If you’ve ever aspired to be a leader in the business world, you’ve probably spent a significant amount of time considering the difference between a leader that is liked and a leader that is respected. These are not exactly the same things.
Popularity and Respect: Understanding the Difference
Too often, people in positions of leadership are afraid of incurring dislike from their employees. They struggle to become the “popular” boss in the workplace and tend to avoid conflict at all costs. This is the type of boss that is sent up in the hit series “The Office.” Before it was adapted for American audiences, in fact, “The Office” was originally a sitcom in the United Kingdom developed by the comedian Ricky Gervais.
Gervais had been a manager in an office similar to the one portrayed in the show. As a comedian, Gervais was interested in portraying a boss who could not differentiate between positive attention from subordinates and the long-term rewards of moral integrity. Much of the comedy within the show is derived from the awkwardness that ensues from this belief system.
Why We Avoid Conflict
By nature, human beings crave popularity and approval. Very few people thrive on conflict. But there is a difference between a person who seeks conflict and a person who values assertiveness. Assertiveness and conflict are two very different things.
For example, a leader of a company may allow themselves to be disrespected by an employee in order to avoid confronting that employee. However, avoiding conflict often forces us to stew over perceived slights for long periods of time. Indeed, boundaries are important to everyone: To forego them is to invite feelings of resentment and even anger into our lives.
The Power of Assertiveness
That kind of emotional repression can very quickly lead to the creation of a toxic workplace. Conversely, however, emotional assertiveness allows us to express our feelings without hurting the feelings of others. Being honest about how we feel when our boundaries are crossed can allow us to build trust and respect in the workplace.
Much has been written about social anxiety in recent years, and many of today’s best leaders are innately shy. Certainly, powerful CEOs like Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates are not known for their love of socializing.
Social anxiety is in many ways the avoidance of conflict. Ironically, however, social anxiety can lead us down many frustrating paths that could have been avoided with a bit of assertiveness.
If we’re constantly seeking the approval of workmates and employees, in other words, we’ll certainly get a certain type of approval from the people we work with. But it’s not the type of approval that translates into genuine respect. That is a form of status that we must earn through virtuous and honest behavior. And flash-in-the-pan popularity is worth nothing by comparison.